Kylan

Hey Jared! This was good, but I enjoyed the last chapter better, I think. It had more conflict, more disaster. In this chapter, things were kind of stagnant, going nowhere. ...

Here's where you can add the song in. You can keep the part with Alfred with his dead son, and have him softly singing the Mockingbird song. Then it would ...

For the curious >> I was very tempted to use the song as the final line (hush little baby, don't you cry), just to wrap things up nicely, but I ...

Part Two of Two | For Clo's Contest (A/N: This is a tad long, I apologize. I didn't want to split 2,000 words into two 1,000 word pieces. It's kind ...

Hey Jared! This was really well written. Geez, you're writing style has matured. I enjoyed the voice of your main character a lot, especially the part where he sinks into ...

Part One of Two | For Clo's Contest -- Buddy wakes up slowly. There is a musty taste in his mouth, and his jaw cracks open like the spine of ...

I loves you, Snoikums. -Kylan

Conrad - I really wanted to like this chapter. I did, I did, I did. But I find Creep descending further and further into the pulp fiction, comic-book scene. I ...

-- Uncle, who has custody over the parentless children, dying in the beginning = Eragon and Star Wars -- Capricorn = Inkspell What is your novel actually about? -Kylan

Go into the subjects of her poetry. Plath definately stays within certain boundaries when it comes to the topics she choses. Take your favorite poem of hers and dissect it. ...

I run up the stairwell of the old apartment block on Tenth Avenue with my breath ragged and splinteredged and rough, choking out of my throat. Oscar runs beside me. ...

Revised! -Kylan

I have a notebook made of pressed woodpulp and a cover made of woven reeds. It was handmade in Nepal and I got it for ten dollars. There are no ...

*snickers at Clo's comment* -Kylan

Conrad - An interesting chapter. Fun to read and look at, but, as Jiggity said and gave reasons for, kind of unbelievable. It's also somewhat thrown together. How long do ...