Kylan

First off, It was new and original and fun to read...sort of. (mean,...sorry) I just have a couple things to comment on. 1.) Too much description: Description is great and ...

First off, It was new and original and fun to read...sort of. (mean, sorry :wink: ) I just have a couple things to comment on. 1.) Too much description: Description ...

Millions. They say the old man was worth that much It said so on his bank statement And stock portfolio. His wealth was measured by His fleet of Italian cars ...

Excellent poem!!! I do have a few suggestions though. The entire thing is a little repetitious. I think it would be even more powerful if you cut out a couple ...

I like the fact that you are rhyming. No one seems to do that anymore. But to rhyme you need a good topic and good rhymes. Your poem rhymes seemed ...

Jenna- Thanks for your great advice, but there are a few things I'd like to point out... About your grenade launcher comment: It's pretty easy to spot a grenade launcher ...

****DON't read unless finished with The mafia... part one Captain Jonathan Ende set the intercom radio back in it's cradle and stared at his hands. He had been doing this ...

The bullets rattled off the side of the Seatrekker's hull like rain on a tin roof; pattering, hissing, daring me to peek out the lace draped porthole of my executive ...

This is an excellent start. The idea is fresh and in some ways contemporary (the terrorism part). My only advice would lie in the last sentence where you foreshadowed to ...

Everything happens too fast. One minute she's in her living room, the next she's in "an enclosed facility" miles away. Add some action/description on her way there. Let a couple ...

Everything happens too fast. One minute she's in her living room, the next she's in "an enclosed facility" miles away. Add some action/description on her way there. Let a couple ...