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Re: f
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Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Rain
I really like it a lot. Maybe put the first stanza last, so the descriptions build, and lead up to the realization that this is all about rain?
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Opening Night
I really like how it freezes a specific moment, rather that making generalizations about some emotion. I feel like I really can connect to you though it. I also like ...
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: How Could You?
repeating "how could you? really places emphasis on it. It's really strong. I like the last stanza a lot. What if you put it first?
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Such A Tragedy
I like it, it really conveys the feeling. However, I'd like some concrete images, or especially similes/metaphors.
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Snowy Day
If I were you, I'd try rearranging the stanzas. At the moment you have it set up 1, 2, 3,... but I think 3, 2, 1 might sound really good. ...
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Drinking Alone on a Friday Night
I really really like this. Alot. The first stanza is stunning. I don't really like the second one, it seems a little repetitive, and I think it might be better ...
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Life In the Eyes Of a Godless Man
I like the simplicity, but describing spring as green and winter as snowy seems a little cleshe. I really do like it though. Maybe if you thought of a few ...
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Say This is a Title
OhMiGod! I really really really liked this. I found the images great, and I found it so relatable and deep, on an unpretentious and real level. The only line which ...
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Choices
There needs to be concrete imagery. Tangible sounds, images, feelings. It's good, but it feels too general without specific images.
Oct 13, 2010 -
Re: Hair Salon
. Carla Hitchens Carla listened contentedly to the snick of scissors, As pieces of blond hair fell to the salon floor like dead fish. Her new patent-leather shoes hurt. And ...
Oct 6, 2010 -
Re: My Bed
The one part that I really liked was "eyes closing to the soft sounds". I like it when people mix sensory images like that.
Oct 6, 2010 -
Re: I cried
In poetry, I really like it when people are really specific. And while you might get a certain image for God, others, like me, don't. I'd like a line or ...
Oct 6, 2010 -
Re: Alone
"My mind ran a marathon of thoughts" I like that A LOT But the slicing like razors seems a little cleshe I like the detail about the bead, and where ...
Sep 14, 2010 -
Re: Graduation
I really like the line breaks a lot. And the punctuation.That might sound dumb, but it made it flow so smoothly and easily... I didn't even notice. The second line ...
Sep 14, 2010
