Kaylyn

I liked it, I was so thinking that she was smelling human blood as the most tempting. IT was the mince pies instead. LOL. Great job.

Edited, hope you like it, hopefully it will be free of any stupid mistakes this time! :)

Yes, I agree that the jaw seems to masculine, soften the curves along it a little, otherwise I think it looks pretty good.

I love it... I probably should get a cover for my book drawn. have 20 pages already and i still have plenty of ideas left for a novel. Great job ...

I love it, the only thing I had to say has already been said, make that circle look more like a sphere. I draw too...only I stick more to landscaping. ...

*Applaudes* I like it and can totally relate. I am not very good at writing poetry, so I am going to look at different pieces. Keep going, and I hope ...

It's been edited 09-16-08

Great job, although when you describe Heather I would suggest you show nat tell what she looks like. Ex. Showing- Her auburn hair swung as she walked. Telling- She had ...

Great story *applaudes* BUT.... yes here it comes. You need to cut down the number of I's your using. You had more sentances starting with I than not. Just something ...

Edited, hope it lokks better now.

Wow, great chapter, though I think you should change this part: [quote] She sat on the bed, staring at nothing in particular, drowning in an ocean of her own boredom. ...

This sounds alot less like a comic book now, thats better. Also Heather never blows her candles out! [quote]A brown-haired, pony-tailed girl approached them, fury etched on her face. Neither ...

I liked it and can't wait to read more. *runs off to read more but runs into a tree* sorry about that. Great job, and good luck with you writing.

I loved the story, it was great. Yes, I did find it confusing in some places but it was very good. Believe me when I saw that your missing nothing ...

Thanks, like I said, I don't do well with poetry.