Kaylyn

Okay, first off, if I hadn't been so desperate to read it, I probably wouldn't have. You need to break up the paragraphs. It looks very intimidating to the readers. ...

Wow, greatly written story. You're a talented writer. It was a bit confusing at first but it made since when I read on. I prefer happy endings and like them ...

Thanks!

Hey if you're lookinh for something to review, please let me know what you think about my latest book, Looking Glass, or Half-Blood. I heard their pretty good. :)

Yeah this is Ch. 1-3. To read it in shorter sections just read the posts. Thanks for the critique I really appriciated it.

Okay, I didn't bother reading it, it was so long. i would suggest you post it in shorter bits.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you did put it up to be reviewed so I am going to let you have it. Time to rip apart this work. ...

I liked it. There are too many I's used at the begining of the sentances. If you change the sentances around they won't sound repetitive. Thats all I could find ...

Chapter don't have to be that long, I've read several, one right now in fact that has two to three pages to a chapter. Uh you have two additional words ...

Phenominal, that is one great freakin chapter. PM me if you come out with more.

Thanks, chapter three is out. I posted it today.

Grammar. [quote] He straitened up, and swung an attack again and wasn't surprised when Kate quickly flicked her sword to stop it with clear ease. [quote] I think you meant ...

It is short but it is a prologue. I don't have that much to critique on though. So far, so good. Its really great. I didn't see any major grammar ...

I would suggest you out in some detail and add some to your piece. The Burger Monster was pretty funny. Is the character a boy or a girl. Sorry, but ...

Which one is the last one, do you mean Raven Rise? Thats the most recent.