Karsten

Hi Dreamwalker, I'm afraid I struggled with this piece. There are a lot of technical errors - the second sentence alone has two of them. The writing was a little ...

Hi KJ, This was readable. You picked a good dramatic scene to start with, and I liked the fact that the worst possible outcome is the one that actually happened. ...

Hi Conrad, I'm confused as to whether this is the start of a story. I can't seem to find a prologue, but this piece starts in a weird place - ...

Hi DrPepper, I don't want to retread the grounds of earlier critiques, so I'll just agree with them that this is too short and needs more detail, and move on ...

Hi flytodreams, This piece was too thin for me to follow. I'm not getting a clear sense of the characters. It's not intuitively obvious how many characters there are in ...

Hi Adriana, This is spectacular . You have a powerful voice, a strong situation/setting and some fascinating characterisation. What I'm not seeing is the plot. Stuff that happens in this ...

Hi Christine, I think there's a strong core concept and interesting character relationships here, but you're burying them a little. Firstly, this piece is a little messy and needs more ...

Hi Bickazer, All the usual things are right about this chapter. I loved the characterisation - you definitely don't need to worry about Tey's voice not being different enough. This ...

Bujold is an incredible writer. I enjoyed Curse of Chalion, but my absolute favourite is her military SF series, the Vorkosigan Saga. The protagonist Miles Vorkosigan is so many kinds ...

Hi lizzytink, Unfortunately, I found this story quite difficult to follow. There are a lot of technical errors, like missing words, wrong dialogue punctuation, txtspk such as "thru" for "through", ...

Hi GreatEscape, Just some quick thoughts. I have mixed feelings about the narrator here. She comes across to me as: * Conceited. She likes to think smugly about how beautiful ...

Hi mimimac, Just a couple of points today. I got a rather disjointed, confused feeling from the narrative. I think it's because of the use of two specific techniques. #1 ...

Hi Light_Devil, This was bizarre, hilarious, confusing and gripping all at once. The premise sounds like it really ought to be a spoof, and I did crack up a few ...

Hi Dr.Atl, Just a quick crit before I pop out. I enjoyed the descriptive stuff here - the midwife being a "dollop of a woman" was particularly good and feels ...

Hi Bickazer, Reading on. You're describing Masudo's laughter with slightly too much enthusiasm, imo. I'm getting hit repeatedly with the "maniacal!" and "contemptuous!" hammer. Please don't concuss me