Kale

I haven't read the earlier chapters, so if I point out something that you've already addressed plot- or character-wise, feel free to ignore it. There were a lot of missing ...

This took me more than a couple of reads before I understood who was narrating this, but when I did, everything finally made sense. Eli and Kamas already covered most ...

Right from the first stanza, the rhyme felt forced. If you spaced out the rhyme a little more, maybe added more syllables to each rhyming couplet and evened out the ...

"Overgrown" and "encased" -- you really need to watch your spelling in poetry because it's such a short form, and every word holds much more weight than in regular prose. ...

But is that really true? Is what true? The definition? Considering it's an accurate definition, it is true. A better way to have phrased this is "But are women's rights ...

Deep groves ran Should be "grooves". This was very interesting. It felt a bit rambling to me, but the idea itself is really interesting. On the one hand, there's a ...

There were a lot of grammar mistakes, too many for me to point out, especially with the punctuation. A lot of the sentences were run-ons, and you had they're/their/their and ...

The one major issue I had was the beginning. I've cut my foot on a sandy beach before, and poetically savoring the pain was the furthest thing from my mind. ...

Teeth grind the feeling to a halt What feeling? "Feeling" comes out of nowhere, and it threw me completely out of the poem. The device begins its long waited for ...

Never going to let go of him completely This line struck me as too long, and it threw off the flow for me. "Never letting go completely" fits more with ...

I think "The Seasons' Progression" would be a decent title for this. Overall, the rhyme felt very obviously contrived in a lot of places, especially the "amen" line. You also ...

I haven't read part one (yet), but this was amazing, even without reading it. This deserves more comments, dammit! D: And now I simply must read part one. Must must ...

You had some lovely imagery here, and I especially liked how you compared blood to raspberry syrup. The thing is, while some of your imagery was very concrete and easy ...

Hi there. The first thing I noticed was the typo in your title; it should be "heaven". I'm also a bit curious what the 1 represents, but that's a good ...

The first five stanzas read like a typical teen angst poem. They were all so vague and used such common phrasings, it almost put me to sleep. I also didn't ...