Kale

There were a number of misspellings in this, several which would be easily picked up by a spell-checker (such as ym). In addition, you had a couple of misused words, ...

Nadiel came from a small group of Maliens. They only paired with others of their race to keep their people “pure.” All were blind, and most were gifted with an ...

I tried to contour them How do you contour someone? o_O You had a couple other odd phrasings like that scattered in this chapter, but otherwise, the grammar was pretty ...

This chapter, as beginningtowrite already pointed out, felt very rushed, especially near the end. In addition, some of the facts don't quite match up within the chapter. In the beginning, ...

Interesting, but you had a lot of strange descriptions which were strange because they often included words that weren't quite correctly used. For instance, "arrow indented in the heart" was ...

To be quite honest, this bored me. There are several reasons: This was almost painfully cliche. Plucky heroine who gets tortured? Check. Blatantly evil villain who enjoys torturing and plotting? ...

First things first: your have no spacing between paragraphs, which makes reading your story difficult on a screen. You can easily fix this by hitting the Edit button located in ...

First impression: Wow. Lots of italics. Revised impression: It makes sense, and it works. I haven't read the previous chapters, but you've got an interesting premise here from what little ...

I have to say, the summary at the beginning was much appreciated. :3 You might want to consider putting it under a spoiler to help keep it more separate from ...

I haven't read the previous chapters, so perhaps it isn't surprising that I'm confused, but when I say I'm confused, I mean I'm really confused. I'm so confused, in fact, ...

I rarely say this, but you really need more detail. At the same time though, you need fewer details. For instance, the only things you really describe are what she's ...

I was in history class—staring out the window out of sheer boredom. Agreeing with Cairo here; this sentence was boring. It didn't grab my attention at all, and the rest ...

Hello there. First things first, a) this was incredibly long, and b) this was not made internet-reader-friendly. In your author's note, you mention that this is a completed novel with ...

Hey there. Before I start the review proper, I'd just like to say that your formatting could use a bit of help. Right now, there's no spaces in between paragraphs, ...

This was interesting structurally though I think this poem would really benefit from some more punctuation. Right now, the punctuation is a bit sparse and inconsistent, which makes some lines ...