Young Writers Society

Ohm, this looks like it had originally been formatted but now is not. You may want to put those line breaks back in so it will read like a poem ...

"in a long long while," Comma between long and long. Use commas to show you are listing something. I get the feeling of those memories Indescribable it is, "I get ...

The peril of the night, This peril of the night, Was magnified by his awful self reliance. This is a full sentence, so you don't need to capitalize 'This' unless ...

"You call for me, from up above, Reaching into tortured soul[...] Damning my eternal soul. " Your speaker is addressing someone who is actually, physically above them? Damnation of soul ...