Jiggity

Is this all there is?? Even that girl on that nameless street. Even the girl on the nameless street. By using 'that' your making out as if the reader knows ...

Hmmm, this story is highly, highly reminiscent of a world in Philip Pullman's The Dark Materials; The amber spyglass, the Norhtern Sky lights etc etc. Hopefully, the next part will ...

Im liking what Ive read so far, but I also think there's room for improvement. Firstly the ending is strange, I dont think it should be ended with dialogue. Maybe ...

'Fraid not m'dear, i had orange juice earlier but thats as close as it gets. TPBM is a stick-figure. (as in the drawing)

James awoke to pain. Groaning, he pried open blood-encrusted eyelids and looked at the devestation with a vision dulled by agony. There was blood...everywhere...broken glass...and a curious abscence;

You need spaces between all the dialogue. It looks like one unbroken piece of text, which isnt pretty. Also, whats the point/plot m'dear? Dont get me wrong, its nicely done ...

Okay, so, like before I noticed some small grammatical errors. The nasty little buggers that you dont notice whilst writing and are surprised to see later on. Here we go. ...

Hey thanks alot. I know exactly what you mean, I was trying to explain that same thing to my brother this morning, however he failed to understand. It will definitely ...

Im in complete and total agreement Aviator man. Twas a wee-bit wordy at times, but on the whole it was alrite and extremely well-written.

He could smell the fear on the child, from his vantage point on the roof, as it walked down the alley. It was a heady smell...full of promise; the promise ...

Quiet you!! Dont encourage her. Someone so negative shouldn't be welcomed

And nice quotes - I literally laughed out loud on some of them. Made my day. Thanks Crysi, Im glad someone enjoyed them. p.s- just ignore the impudent monkey who ...

The story has been renamed: 'Shadow.' Go there for the story with its NEW installment.

there are some little grammatical errors, nothing that dramatically effects the story. But still... "Come here and next to me Mum, and sit next to me. for the vision to ...

My initial thoughts were that it would be a vampire, but then I thought maybe a werewolf would be better. However I extremely dislike Werewolves...or the traditional idea of one ...