Jiggity

Spaces. Use them. And I shall return.

hehe. I was waiting for this. In fact it was the main reason I moved the story to this Forum, because I know you tend to read more story's here ...

*no powers, you ass!* Jemima shook her long dark tresses away from her sweating face, raised her sword again; determined to finally best the old man opposite her. "I'll defeat ...

Okay, first off: Me likey!!! Secondly, there was a tonne of mistakes, I mean wow. I cant even put them all up in this post so I'll send you an ...

You are really obsessed with Gryphons, that can be slightly off-putting. No, not off-putting, more like; repetitive. Maybe you should do more with your stories then just write about Gryphons. ...

I know I must sound like a broken record, but still, thanks a lot. The next part, along with the other installments are now in Shadow (1, 2, and 3). ...

Thanks a lot. Ah, I put that there intentionally, but perhaps I should change it. Once again, thanks for the comment.

Oh my god, thats 6 ppl!!! Is that enough for a usergroup to be created?

All that and more.

Chapter 1. He could smell the fear on the child, from his vantage point on the roof, as it walked down the alley. It was a heady smell...full of promise; ...

I think this belongs in Romantic Fiction. I wondered all the time what I was that I had earned your love This is an awkward sentence, doesn't really make sense. ...

Omg, talk about analytical kill. I enjoyed it, pure and simple. And Im going to have to echo Firestarter: "Are you really 12?? You write, like way to well for ...

Lol, its all right I s'pose, so long as it doesn't continue. What challenge? Where? For who??? I want a challenge!! Anywho: large puddles emerged from under his eyelids puddles? ...

Um, this seems okay. No, glaring mistakes, per se. I may return and comb this through. When did you write it? lol, its reminiscent of Shadow.

Ah - clearly you are one of those who she loves so much (what was it...? - "extremely immature and ridiculous"...yep, I think you're definitely one of them.)! Leave her ...