JiRuiHe

I love the "Sundays are pictures". Not very good at critiquing lyrics, but you seem to have a really interesting piece here.

I'm not very musical, but I always imagined some sort of folk/ soft rock sound to the song. Any suggestions? I would greatly appreciate critique!

Caerauboy, I love the first stanza, and the second stanza is pretty fantastic too, but I'm disappointed in a couple minor things in the chorus: First of all, I'm bothered ...

Want to watch the planes in the sky Eternally. Want to meet you at the bridge, Only after three, when I feel lonely. Walk away from what we know. Take ...

Latitudes, Longitudes, and Magnetism She paced the room, moving about every inch of the cold, uncarpeted floor: To Europe? To Asia? To anywhere and everywhere! To spontaneity! To freedom! To ...

Hi, there! I've never been one for small talk, so here you go: When a rhyme scheme doesn't flow naturally, it makes the speaker of the poem seem insincere. In ...

Shiver cause its cold outside, You need an apostrophe in "its". I think you could deepen your poem. The title gave me high expectations, but after I read it I ...

Suzanne, the most thorough critiques are the best critiques so thank you very much! When someone has a lot of suggestions, I can tell that he or she put some ...

It’s rare To feel happy When the lights are so bright So often taxing and trite Put to shame by the bulb in the sky But I look out the ...

One may see it written in the bold cursive of the stars But please don’t be disappointed that you will never leave the 10th House for the 1st House You’re ...

I agree with bubblewrapped. While the writing is fairly good, I feel that the ideas presented in the poem are uninteresting. In creating this duality between G-d and Satan - ...

Thank you so much June, bubbles, and Snoink! I really appreciate your comments. It will be difficult to maintain the rhyme scheme while making the poem more concise, but I ...

This piece is extremely sweet. I wonder if you've ever heard the term "objective correlative" before. Well, regardless of whether you have or have not, you are a master of ...

When I first began reading your poem, I was really excited, and my expectations for the poem started to grow; however, as the piece progressed, I became frustrated with the ...

I love the lower-case throughout your piece. Normally when writers attempt to ignore grammatical conventions, they don't seem to have clear reasons to do so, and, thus, just appear pretentious; ...