Jherek

My suggestion would be to take the first three sentences: "He was searching for her. His obsession with her was to the point of terrifying. She crouched down lower into ...

Yes, quality short stories with real beginnings, middles and ends are difficult to pull off. I almost never can.

Yo, I've attached my editing contribution, underlined are either bits which I think should be cut/changed, or inserted. Overal, there are some bits, like Tommyknocker & alex1444 have pointed out, ...

I'm hoping that by learning from the masters above some aspiring authors will learn how to structure their messages within the narrative without blunt pathos attacks, without suddenly telling people: ...

Yo, that's a hemingwayish/horhe borhe lit story, with Serious Themes. Well, to be honest, I also had some phantasies of writing something to reflect the Mexican drug-war crisis, but depending ...

Hey WillowD, thanx for the nice words. Natalie’s a young adult actually, out of uni, supposed to be currently working political PR HQ, only she’s having a major breakdown, that’s ...

Hahaha, sargsause, Thank thee very much for the feedback! This is all a part of a sub plot mini-story arc taking place in bits of part 3 of a part ...

Taken down, have some Lovecraft instead :D In the tunnels of that twisted wood, whose low prodigious oaks twine groping boughs and shine dim with the phosphorescence of strange fungi, ...

Taken down, have some Lovecraft instead IThreading now the low phosphorescent aisles between those gigantic trunks, Carter made fluttering sounds in the manner of the Zoogs, and listened now and ...

Thanx sherineahmed! Glad you liked it. (What's the use of putting age-appropriate signs anyway? I guess the only use of them is to warn the potential reader that there could ...

Yo, that was pretty good. As in: good overal rhythm of both sections; good descriptions; nice tight punches throwin in the sentences, although we'll see if you can maintain that ...

Taken down, have some Lovecraft instead At last far below him he saw faint lines of grey and ominous pinnacles which he knew must be the fabled Peaks of Throk. ...

Thank you purplepen!

...and it was so cute, ain't you sad you missed it? :mrgreen:

Yo, that was a pretty pleasant story with an inspirational tinge. In the attached file I've underlined my comments and what I think are mistakes, and in bold are bits ...