JFW1415

I don't understand why the kids were making such a big deal about her sitting beside him. Was she dared to the day before or something? And what age are ...

I would love it if you could review either 'All Eyes On Us' in romance or 'For Matty' in other. :P Also, if you'd like me to review anything for ...

I'm not going to go into grammar and everything, because if you stay away from this for a day or so and then check it out with fresh eyes you'll ...

There aren't enough mistakes for me to do one of my extremely long reviews, so I'm just going to give you an overall and tell you to capitalize the I ...

Your paragraphs are really awkward. You know that a paragraph is at least 4 sentences, right? That's in school stuff. In creative writing, you get to break the rules. One ...

I like how vague the monster was; maybe just make it a bit more foreboding? Let us feel the suspense, the worry she feels. Maybe she senses it staring at ...

Hmm... Ah, yes... This was interesting... I liked how it was written. But I still agree with JFW1415, you need to show us instead of telling us so much. This ...

Too many. :P ~JFW1415

Eh, I'm not good at it either, but I'll throw in my two cents. :P Fights, especially with lot's of people, are confusing. You aren't conscious of where every arm ...

Wow. I have never used whilst in my life. Never. :shock: I have seen it in writing, though. Eh, you British-folk (or UK, whatever it is...) talk funny. 8) ~JFW1415

I loved the first one, but I read it some time ago. Then I heard about the second one, and I realized I forgot nearly everything that had happened in ...

Very interesting. However, I suggest that you expand this a bit. You TELL us nearly everything; a big no-no. :P Show us instead. Don't have her suddenly freak out; give ...

Hello! :P Congrats on your first posted short story! To be honest, this did not draw me in. Why should I care about some seemingly perfect girl? What is going ...

Everyone else pointed out almost all I wanted to say, so I'll just add one more comment. NEVER, EVER, EVER say 'in these pages I will...' in a story. It's ...

I almost had the day off ... St. Patrick's Day is a big deal in Boston, and it's Evacuation Day, which apparently all of the schools get off (but the ...