JC

I ran my fingers through my wet and tangled hair. I squeezed out some of the rainwater from it. One sentence. Work it out how you please =D Okay...there was ...

This was really cool =D. Of course in a disturbing kind of way, but uber cool. I loved how she didn't understand what death was, and the scene with the ...

I agree, the fight was rushed. A lot. Now, I really like Lyla, don't get me wrong...but it just seems weird now. You think there'd be a lot more going ...

Most people didn't even call me by my name but as Mr. Beaufort's Daughter. This was oddly worded. Change it up a bit, and it'll be good. :idea: You can ...

falling on his soul like tears on a mirror. pretty words, but they don't make much sense. What are tears on a mirror like? Reflected, double, clear, not seen? And ...

She looked troubled and was the definition of trouble. this phrasing was a bit awkward. Consider removing one of the troubles...or just chagning the sentence to something else. His teeth ...

Okay, so earlier I read chapters one and two, and them had this really nice critique for them, but then I lost it...stupid faulty internet. Anyways, so I can't seem ...

hey Kylan! I just realized something, a lot of your writing is the same, as in detailed to the spider-in-the-corner. If that makes sense. Info-dump, basically. Which isn't necessarily terrible, ...

Hey! This was really good, my critique is below this! =D Jazz= Grammar, spelling, punctuation, flow and all that Jazz! Rhythm= Plot and style. How well does it flow and ...

RED= Fix "Since no one was hurt, can you please sign thes relase?" [asked Sam to Jake Fray's parents.] awkward phrasing, consider changing to "Sam asked Jake Fray's parents," or ...

My despair was great, and soon the cancer and my sadness had withered my body away. I was dieing fast. I believe it's spelled, Dying... Confusing to read the responces. ...

“Scarcely more then a few hours… I must leave then. Father will awake early to rake in the peoples coins at Sunday Service” Period at the end. Simple mistake. Wow. ...

Standing, I sauntered over to my dresser and opened the top drawer. I don't think sauntered is the right word for this....I mean, she just woke up from a nightmare...and ...

Hey there Kylan, so I finally got to this. I found time during breakfast, but only up to the first set of stars, I'll be back later for the rest. ...

Awkward Silence coated I'm fairly certain silence shouldn't be capatalized. Plot: As sam said, serious forshadowing with Forest. He's the mom's helper and the daughter came back. Love waiting to ...