If_Rocks_Could_Fly

You might want to check through it again for grammar and spelling issues, I found many and I'm sure I missed some because I did not read very carefully. The ...

When I say I reflect Kafka's style, what I mean is that back before I even knew who Kafka was people who read my writings would mention that some of ...

...the world would be a better place. My name is nick and i am a new member (obviously) who has found this site very interesting for the past week so ...

This first section of your story was well written in my opinion but just as eleinasari said, there is way too much information way too fast. Try spacing it out ...