HorseFreak

It would make a very nice start for a longer story - very nice descriptions, good vocab. You could, as advised before, try and expand it a little more - ...

Edited mostly as advised... Hope this is better than the first version. Prologue A shadowy figure passed through the dense forest at a hurried pace. The heavy mist surrounded it, ...

I edited it... Hope its better than v1!

Thanks, bubblewrapped for the very helpful review! I will edit this intro soon, and also post the 1st chapter. Thank you bunches - this really helps. Oh, and yes, Andy ...

Before … I was in my bed. Not quite asleep anymore, but I felt that familiar peacefulness that makes you want to lay like that forever. Saturday mornings were always ...

Really cool! I love your writing. Seriously can't wait for more. No errors etc... very creative.

It's very interesting, but there's a couple of mistakes: (quote) "I didn’t feel safe telling my “secret” to anyone but I felt safe with him, it was scaring me." Confusing... ...

Hm... Very cool and interesting. Even better than the 1st chapter. I really like the suspense and mystery... Why could the girl see her? keep going - I can't wait ...

I love this piece. Verey, very interesting, and very original. There is no other way to put it. Awesome story. It's very interesting, and I like the character and her ...

I like the way you present your character and go into your thoughts. It's a really good story actually. It's just about the first one that I've read that presents ...

Oh, by the way - I agree, the story does seem unrealistic. A 14 year old having sex?!

The heavy village air came down on me as a burden when I stepped out of our ramshackle car. Red dust and flies surrounded me, buzzing angrily as if to ...

I always have trouble coming up with names for villans in my story - so here come some of the ones I think work okay (and no offence to any ...

My advice: Besides the grammar and lack of punctuation, try to make your characters more likable. Your story is too abrupt and quick - the reader can't catch up with ...

Hi! I'm sorta new here (okay, i admit - VERY new) I love to write, and use it to cope with stress - I don't think anyone in the world ...