HopefulPAuthor

One: Drifting Alice watched out the window. Watched seemed awkward, maybe you could replace it with gazed, peered, or even, simply, looked. It was raining hard, soaking every flower and ...

Thank you for reinforcing my opinion, LavenderBlue. I will definitely work on making the sentences shorter, and hopefully, much more interesting :).

That was really cute, but whenever somebody says something, you have to add commas before the quotation marks. For example, you said "I challenge," but it should be ,"I challenge."

I was having difficulty with this section of my chapter, because I felt like I was moving too slowly and that I was describing things excessively. Any criticism is appreciated! ...