Hippie

I didn't find any confusion in the POV switching. It seemed as though you were doing it to make the reader go: "Ah, so that's the same boy except in ...

I can tell by reading this that you have great talent, and have put a lot of work into this. It's not often I read something this good on the ...

This is a good continuation of the story. You showed Carter's nervousness realistically and accurately. Perhaps a little too much, because he doesn't seem very professional letting it show so ...

Let me start with a positive. I loved the character's voice. Using the word "Like" all the time, the way teenagers speak really makes it feel like an authentic teenager ...

You did a good job of the "hook" with the genocide thing at the end of the chapter, but not revealing anything more. It makes me wonder what's going to ...

It would make it a lot easier to read if you separated it into paragraphs. A big block of text is a little daunting to read. You also need to ...

Sorry I was slow getting to this. My family and I went on a spur-of-the-moment holiday to Shark Bay. Marcus's mother came charging in to his room at eight in ...

Hello Authago. Welcome to the greatest online community there is! I thought you had some very good descriptions here, and I could feel the atmosphere you were portraying. Let me ...

I love how you're revealing more about controlled reincarnation. The idea of the person or animal leaving parts of its personality with the shaman is brilliant. The suspense is still ...

Great atmosphere. I like how you create an aura of mystery around the manikin. I was a little confused with your use of the word him . For example, you ...

The start is gripping in a way. Beginning with a swear word is unexpected and arouses curiosity. Good idea. I don't often say this, but I think this could work ...

It's an interesting start, but i think you've introduced too many characters too quickly. A couple of times I was getting Grace and Eliza mixed up, and I had to ...

What the other reviewers have said about nothing happening is true. However, because it is so short, it is easy to tolerate this. The main worry is if you go ...

The description is stunning where you have it. Perhaps bordering on purple prose, but it probably only seems that way because it's all lumped together at the start. I think ...

I'll say straight out that while I did think this chapter was good, it didn't live up to its potential as much as the others did. It is after all ...