Hippie

Thanks for your help Dream I don't really want to change the POV. Arthur is meant to be the main character, even though there's a bit of overlap. I think ...

Thanks Dreamworx95 for the review you described as "harsh" The harsher the better. Expose my story's every weakness, that's the best way for me to improve it; You have to ...

Sorry I was so late to post this - Year 12 throws so much homework at you, It's hard to make time for anything. Please tell me how real the ...

You know too much :evil: I thank you for taking all that time to find information for me, but this story isn't about military tactics or supply lines. Its about ...

I certainly wouldn't use the word retinas twice in the same story, especially not this close together. Use another phrase, such as: another flash of lightning dazzled him. You asked ...

A main character in a situation like Agincourt, clearly on the french side would be doomed for the slaughter and would not be removed from the field for probably 10-12 ...

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'll seriously consider everything you've said for my third draft (Yes, what you see is my second draft. I'd rather post a photo of myself ...

At this point there's only 1 main character so yes, he obviously isn't going to die (yet). The next chapter introduces five new characters, and don't worry, two of them ...

I agree, communism is a terrible thing. Where did you get that figure about 14 billion people living in communist countries? There are only 6 billion people on the whole ...

Yes, the children do inherit their parent's titles, but only when their parents die or step down. A King's son isn't a king when he's born, he's a prince. He ...

Thank You Midnight vampire for your first rate review. No I didn't think it was too harsh. I actually hadn't noticed how I'd repeated the "gust of wind" phrase, even ...

I believe this is the 3rd rewrite. Changed almost everything, including character's name. Enjoy. Eric’s teeth chattered. A stinging barrage of rain pelted his face, swept into the shelter by ...

It's A Masterpiece! This is the funniest thing I've read in ages. I can relate to you wanting to marry a book - I want to marry a poem now ...

Great to see another poem that isn't depressing. This reminds me a lot of Dr Seuss, which is great for you because he's one of the only poets I know ...

Firstly, there's the grammatical issue of comma positioning. You've placed commas at the start of the next word, when they should be at the end of the previous word. full ...