Hippie

Despite its shortness, this is quite a good beggining, and yes, it's worth continuing. There are a few things that could be improved. Take this for example. He approached the ...

It isn't for everybody I guess. This was experimental. I started this with my mum when we were just being silly on holidays, but I decided to continue it. It ...

To be honest, I think this wasn't quite as good as the previous part of the story. It was confusing at first, until I realised it was the ghosts of ...

Overall I think this is a solid beggining to a story. Considering it's only halfway through the first chapter, the main character's personality is coming together nicely, and he doesn't ...

‘Twas raining hard on the caravan Nothing to do but sit That morning I’d eaten so much ham That I needed to do a shit I’d held it in all ...

This is unlike anything else I've ever read - but I loved it. The writing style is so engaging. I have read some other stories where it's as if the ...

Hi I won't bother telling you about paragraphing and grammar and all that fug. That's already been covered, and what you really need help with is character realism. At the ...

This is updated - 3rd version now. There's a lot of new stuff, some old stuff chucked out and plenty of changes. Please review if you've got the time. Thanks ...

I just updated this. The next chapter I'm posting (5) features Eric (who used to be called George) so I thought I'd put the latest version of the prologue up.

I was very impressed with the clarity of your writing. I only had to read this through once and feel like I have a perfect understanding of what's going on. ...

Your writing style is a lot like the way someone would tell a story around a campfire. That is, it would work well told verbally. Unfortunately, when someone reads a ...

As my good friend Kyllorac said, You have an excellent base. In fact, all three of your stories on YWS have a good plot, if a little simple, but that ...

You've got a storyline, but it'll need a lot of work. The main problem is that so much of it is narrative summary. You need to break all of the ...

Yo, my latest YWS buddy! This is quite an interesting and unique peice of writing. You said it was just a character development excercise, but I think it's such a ...

This looks a lot like my fist drafts - that is, lots of dialogue, but not much else yet. Which is okay for a first draft, but something to work ...