Hap

Thank you all so much for the critiques. My apologies as well, this is not a short story - I will be continuing this. Hap

My follow-up on this took a while - I apologize. This is good. Keep it up. Hap

Hello again. I think you misunderstand me, and for that, I apologize. I didn't mean for you to go back and simplify your sentences. In fact, I very much enjoyed ...

Hello again. I see you've edited this - good. Unfortunately, what can come from editing is this: an unwanted change in style. Your writing begins as a fragmented, constant train ...