Hap

Thank you all so much for the critiques. My apologies as well, this is not a short story - I will be continuing this. Hap

The smell of the dungeons was putrid. I held my breath as I made my way down the winding tunnels, past countless dark beings screeching in tongues and clawing at ...

Hi Ray. Wow. I have to say, I'm impressed. I really enjoyed reading this - what an interesting concept you've got here! I love finding original works like this. You ...

My follow-up on this took a while - I apologize. This is good. Keep it up. Hap

Hello again. I think you misunderstand me, and for that, I apologize. I didn't mean for you to go back and simplify your sentences. In fact, I very much enjoyed ...

Hi anonymous. This was interesting. Rather vague, though. But it was nicely executed, nonetheless. Prologues don't have to be this melodramatic, either. Like metalamor stated above me, you might want ...

Hello again. I see you've edited this - good. Unfortunately, what can come from editing is this: an unwanted change in style. Your writing begins as a fragmented, constant train ...

Hi Biffle. I can't tell if this is a trainwreck or brilliant, but I like the choppy, frantic style. Unfortunately, this comes to a weird ending that isn't actually an ...

Hi Story. I wouldn't bother revising this - just scrap it and start fresh. You begin this as a hopeful, fleshed-out story, and for whatever reason decide to cram a ...