Hannah

Hi, Forest! Remember me? :D It's nice for me to be able to see one of your poems, so hopefully I can help out with some suggestions. First of all, ...

Elinor! This is a really interesting idea and I like it, but I think it would be even cooler if you could somehow write this poem and have the sentences ...

That's a good one as well, Sealegs! Thanks!

I like the idea of being able to disappear into the world, but I think you might have made this more effective if you used more impermanent imagery. Rain is ...

Hi, Mizz. I thought this poem was nice, but I think it might be stronger if you took off the last two lines. It's a nice idea, and the only ...

I wrote a poem on a banana yesterday. I will upload the pictures as soon as I can. April 9th, 2010; sometimes, I wish I had a soul I never ...

Kylan, I did like the oregon trail one! ^_^ Now, there were a few phrases that seemed really off in 'your iron hymn'. like a whore's laughter. iron-hymned iron maidens ...

What I would recommend considering in your next attempt at an image (if you choose to attempt that again), would be to get rid of the story altogether. Try to ...

LOVER. I like this poem because it's about something kind of simple (unless I missed it completely), but it really gives a different tone to it. It's like the narrator ...

April 7th, 2010; On One Thing We Can Subsist Thistle-whisperers are wrapped up tight in robes of periwinkle as their heads are tossed and swayed by grand ideas, ideals, and ...

I keep wondering why my skirts ride up between my legs and why I keep having to pull them down every three steps, because I don't walk around and watch ...

Hey again, Elinor! I liked the idea of this new poem, but the problem was I didn't even understand that it was about a rainy day until the last stanza. ...

Hi, Emma! ^_^ Welcome to YWS. Be sure to post an introduction thread in the welcome forum if you haven't already, so we can greet you properly. ^_^ I'm Hannah. ...

Hi, Snoink! ^_^ Something that I think needs to be done in this poem is a revisitation of the first lines. I can't stop my fingers from trembling. Hold them ...

Kamas, I found the story come in at the end of your fifth poem. It came with a strong character who knew what he wanted. I don't know if you've ...