Hadj

Rewrite is here:

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. I'll be sure to edit in all of those corrections, except possibly the edit out of the word redder because poppies ...

Thanks for the review! Just a few things: In your first paragraph, your example substitutions for blood and bullet seemed a little forced. I think for this case I'll just ...

Thanks for the review, it was really helpful! You're probably right about the first 3 lines, they arent to dramatic, but I very much like them, so I think I'll ...

I'm glad you like it. It wasn't necessarily meant to be a girl, but its fine that you saw it that way. I wanted this to be very open to ...

Thanks for the feedback, its hard to add a lot of detail, and still keep it short, but I'll try : )

Thanks for the review. Just one thing. The rhyme scheme was (supposed to be) ABCABC not ABCADE, although I'm not sure if him rhymes with him.

I decided to keep who "he" is and the narrarator's purpose a mystery. That way it could be anything, and anyone could relate. Also, there was a rhyme scheme in ...