GryphonFledgling

Ah! My eyes! *shields them* Yes, please put spaces in between your paragraphs and each new line of dialogue by a different speaker. As is, it is all in huge ...

I'd personally like to know a little bit more about her writing. You said that her writing is better than ever after the Pop-Tarts and Kool-Aid, but I really don't ...

Very sad. It was a great turn of the wheel, showing just how much the annoying sibling will actually be missed when they are gone. The emotion just poured off ...

Again, moving kind of fast, but you sprinkled in some descriptions! *claps* But... oops... You used a mirror. Please, please, please do something other than a mirror description. They just ...

I lived once more a moment... Eh? I'm a little confused as to what that meant. Your so focused I think you mean "you're". Your - belonging to you You're ...

Ah yes, much better. I liked the fact that they find out each other's names quickly. *thumbs up* On that note: “Keri, do you go to this college?” There should ...

It isn't so bad because each line is short, but this would read better if each new line of dialogue by a different speaker had an extra line break between ...

In all honesty, I really didn't like this. It was mainly because of the main character, who seemed to be an all out jerk. She blew up and was extremely ...

I fear that I am not a poetry expert either, so I can't really help you there, but I did have to comment on this poem. I loved the story ...

Beautiful work. Really. You bring the horrors of war to the front. I loved the mundane things like the switching of the socks. The fact that you remembered to make ...

Yes, repeating here, but the story is moving too quickly. Slow down and let us know just what it is that Sam likes about his sister. Is it because she ...

I agree with day tripper. They just start kissing really fast and he gets really possessive pretty fast. And why does Keri trust him so implicitly so fast? Personally, if ...

"extint" = "extent" Interesting first chapter. But I do have to repeat what has already been said in that they don't introduce themselves before they get really close. When you ...

I didn't notice anything with the future and past tenses, but I was a little confused as to if the story is being told in present time or in the ...

I liked how this was told from the friend's POV. Suicide has been done a million times, but this is the first one I have seen from the friend. Instead ...