GryphonFledgling

Hey! Welcome to YWS! Considering you wrote yesterday that you were going to start writing tomorrow, that would mean that you started writing your novel today! Congratulations! *confetti* Working on ...

This was short, but it was nice. You did rush through the hospital part a bit, but maybe that was intentional. At first, I liked the italicized he , but ...

This was an interesting piece. The snapshots are pretty neat, though they don't seem to follow any particular order, so I was a little lost as to what exactly was ...

I like the edited version much more. It has much stronger lines and the message comes across much clearer for it. Great move with dividing it up into smaller stanzas. ...

I liked it. For fifth grade, this is considerable talent. *is tinged with a little green* Yeah, it's a little cliche, but you wrote it well. The language was nice, ...

Geez, this was great. Your rhythm was ever-changing, but it always worked, and your rhyme scheme really seemed natural, without being forced. I loved the imagery and language in this ...

Nice work. It was well-written and pretty solid. It is pretty short, however, so I didn't have much to critique on by way of story. All I really have is ...

1: Does the second person work for Blizzard's flashback? Yes. It was interesting to read a flashback in second person. I have never seen that done before. Really neat idea. ...

That was great. I had a good laugh over Milkman being a superhero... or something.... And Business Man was hysterical. There were a few typographical and grammar errors, but I ...

I liked this. The dialogue between Pride and her mother was a little stilted in some places, as was some of your prose, but overall, it was a great read. ...

I have mixed feelings about this song. It is truthful in the way it screams to be 'left alone', but it doesn't tell us what it is mad at. Just ...

Hmmm, I liked this. It was quite powerful. You are a talented writer. Your themes are a little cliche, but you manage to write a strong poem. You have nice ...

Whoa, hold on... *brakes screech* Info-dump prologue is NOT something that you want to do. In fact, a prologue without any of the focus characters in it is not exactly ...

Everyone else left some great critiques, so I recommend that you do as they say. I agree that there is a little too much stuffed into this poem. Either write ...

These thoughts pranced through Isabella’'s (added an apostrophe) mind, skipping gently yet running hard. ” " (quotation marks!!!!)[b/]Raise your head[b], (comma) my beauty, raise it high enough for