GryphonFledgling

It isn't so bad because each line is short, but this would read better if each new line of dialogue by a different speaker had an extra line break between ...

In all honesty, I really didn't like this. It was mainly because of the main character, who seemed to be an all out jerk. She blew up and was extremely ...

I fear that I am not a poetry expert either, so I can't really help you there, but I did have to comment on this poem. I loved the story ...

Beautiful work. Really. You bring the horrors of war to the front. I loved the mundane things like the switching of the socks. The fact that you remembered to make ...

Yes, repeating here, but the story is moving too quickly. Slow down and let us know just what it is that Sam likes about his sister. Is it because she ...

Yeah, agreeing with the masses that is must be show-oriented. I think I get it, but I'm not sure. In any case, I admire your humor. He's got some great ...

Username: 80% Signature: 90% - Oooh, I like it... Avatar: 100% - One of the best on the site, I swear! Custom Title: __% - not counting... Country: 90% Overall: ...

I agree with day tripper. They just start kissing really fast and he gets really possessive pretty fast. And why does Keri trust him so implicitly so fast? Personally, if ...

"extint" = "extent" Interesting first chapter. But I do have to repeat what has already been said in that they don't introduce themselves before they get really close. When you ...

I didn't notice anything with the future and past tenses, but I was a little confused as to if the story is being told in present time or in the ...

I liked how this was told from the friend's POV. Suicide has been done a million times, but this is the first one I have seen from the friend. Instead ...

I liked it. The subject matter is something that has been done a million times, but you still managed to make it likable. Very nice. I'm a little confused as ...

I'm so sorry for you. And for Randi. Wonderful job on the poem. A beautiful tribute. May Randi rest in peace, and you rest easy. ~GryphonFledgling

Generally I write without plans. I just let the story go where it's going to go, with maybe a general idea of how I want it to end (e.g. the ...

I totally agree with the first, but with the second, I would have to say to read the crummy stuff too. If you read enough, when you come across the ...