GryphonFledgling

Brooklynn is a type one diabetic. If we can't figure this out in the story, there's something wrong. Don't depend on author's notes for information that should be in the ...

Hey-hi! First off, I'd like to -- gah my eyes! It's a small thing here, but really important: double check your paragraph spacing. I can see where they are supposed ...

D'awww, this was so cute. Awkward and sweet and incredibly nervous. I like. tape/glue Mm, I don't really like that slash in there. It just feels too, I dunno, technical ...

Hello, hello, hello... This was interesting. It was different to see him really, irrevocably damaged, rather than being able to heal. Different and somewhat refreshing in that it was a ...

Hello! I'mma have to agree with SisterItaly: Word count isn't an excuse for rushing. If it takes consolidation or cutting, fine, but make the story fit the word limit. I ...

First off: Dude. I loved that song already, but I hadn't seen the music video. Thank you for that. Everything I’d ever touched – and lots of things I hadn’t ...

'allo, 'allo! What have we here? Mm, so I'm intrigued by the idea here, but... I just sort of feel like it's taking off really slowly. Some of it has ...

We both jump when a corn horn sounds abruptly from outside Lulz. This is the perfect reason to check for typos, so you don't inadvertently make your readers burst out ...

Aww, this was sad. The way the realization played out, with the flashbacks and whatnot, was quite effective. Poor girl. The main problem I had through the story was the ...

Dun dun duuuuunnnn. Very ominous. Hey, since this appears to be the first chapter to something rather a short story, have you considered our nifty Novel feature? *nifty* Nitpicks, then ...

Mmkay, so I wanna know why Emily is suicidal. I know she points out a couple of times that she doesn't have any reason for it, at least in her ...

Hey-oh! The first two paragraphs felt a little info-dumpy. I mean, we're in the middle of this situation with her therapist and whatnot, and then it breaks to tell us ...

Well, howdy there! This is good progress, but it seems as if our time is up. All righty, I find this a little forced. If it's really been so long ...

Ahhh, the spacing is wonderful here. My eyes thank you. It says that whoever grasps the dagger next will own it forever, until someone captures it from them. Ha, makes ...

Hey-oh! Here from the last chapter! (Incidentally, did you know about our spiffy novel feature? It'd be excellent here to consolidate all the chapters in one easy-to-follow area so the ...