GryphonFledgling

But since I'm not a cast member in M. Night Shyamalan's newest blockbuster hit turned train wreck movie While this made me lulz initially, it sort of felt a little ...

I'm back! Again with the parentheses here. You can take them out. They aren't necessary. (don’t even think about making a joke about that) Mmm, except maybe for this one. ...

Mmm, first off, here's the disconnect from the prologue. It doesn't flow right into the story and while it was interesting, I'd be frustrated that we didn't get to see ...

Hey-oh! Drudging this up because I want to read the latest chapter and to do that, I need to read the whole thing! Yay for more crit? Someone whose sense ...

Hello! First off, a quick note about formatting: It's a small thing, but going through and making sure your paragraphs are spaced out can make a big difference. As is, ...

Hey-oh! Mm, little short chapter here, but I find myself rather intrigued. we talked for a while, about our past lives before the solar war started Why not show us ...

Hello, hello, hello! I know my knee has been scrapped. "Scraped". With two "p"s, it means it's been trashed/sent to the junk yard. XD I get up, noticing Thomas's lily ...

Why, hello there! She cometh assuredly as the dawn of tomorrow. Wait till sun set and day die. She commendeth your devotion son of man. I know you're going for ...

Hey-oh! You do know that there’s one of me, and five of you? You just said this like a few sentences ago. Putting it here feels a little repetitive. Cut ...

Mmm, gonna echo SmylinG and Azila a bit here, but I'll try to bring up my own points too. This really did feel a lot like Castaway and the problem ...

Gah, reached the end of what is up. *sad* Mmmkay, same main critique here as last chapter: lots of wonderful characterization, not really much substance. It feels like it's just ...

Dude. I just realized why Shawn was thinking about his third-grade teacher way back in the first chapter. His little sister is in third grade! *feels slow* Though, to be ...

Have I mentioned I love these characters? Because I do. Mmm, not incredibly in love with this chapter either. It was nice to get background on Brooklynn sure, and I ...

Back again! Ha, seems like my comments last few chapters about paragraph spacing were unnecessary for the future. Much better here. My eyes thank you. “Nathan just called,” he says, ...

Hey-oh! See, the explanation here at the beginning of the chapter is just fine. We didn't really need the mystery last chapter. The confusion isn't really necessary. Why not explain ...