Griffinkeeper

I didn't say that you didn't have a hook, merely that the hook was weak. Your explanation about Max wanting to keep the other scientists safe doesn't make sense. If ...

Hi Nemesis! Here is a critique. Much was a-stir at the Galactic Transportation Agency (GTA) in the city of Elacora in the district of Pasadena. What caused such a commotion ...

Mark took the great opportunity. He wheeled out his bike from the garage of the beach house, and went for a ride. Speeding down the bike path, with the helmet ...

I like this description piece. I would reorganize the order in which you describe things. Right now it is Bird, Tree, Bird, Flight, and Song. I would change it to ...

I don't like the story much. When the deepest, darkest and quite frankly scariest of emotions that is hatred rises to the surface so much that it overflows, it can ...

“What level are we on sir?” a fellow soldier in the back called. “N-five, three more to go, Foxtrot,” the front-man responded. People usually know where they are if they ...

I really like this poem. It reminded me of friends I had left back in Elementary School. You really hit some emotional strings there, which I appreciate. As far as ...

I also like the way this was written. If you could act it out with a couple of friends, you'll find any holes in the dialogue. That said, I would ...

Welcome to YWS! a carot was walking in the forest then a giant brockley dinosaur jumped in front of it and laughed at the carrots over weight stomach. then the ...

For a bunch of college students, this has been a week of midterms or a week of finals. I wouldn't wait for Firearris any longer, she may not have any ...

Snoink you're good to go.

"Asele, perhaps it would be better if you waited in the parlor for a few minutes. This business will be resolved shortly," Marlon said. Asele left the room and Marlon ...

Kara's profile has my approval. Two more needed.

(The screaming from the hornets happens in the morning to afternoon hours.)

His name was Marlon Grey. A young man of twenty-eight years old, he had accumulated a vast fortune and had settled in the quiet fishing village of Haven. He lived ...