Griffinkeeper

Flap, flap, flap; the harsh sound of bare feet slapping against frigid stone, cracked the silence of the night. Why don't you just delete the flap part and make the ...

Seeing the vocabulary before the story began was very unnerving. Also, myriad is an actual word, so it might not be a good idea to use, especially because people tend ...

I think you should give a more convincing reason why she took a complete stranger into her home. Not that it shouldn't happen, I'd just like to see her thought ...

and honestly now, did it looked bad? I lived in a comunist country, so did my parents. There was a job for everyone, everyone gets paid for working, and the ...

No offense meant firestarter. No hard feelings?

Communism can work on a very small scale, but once a person decides that he wants to be lazy or that he doesn't care about his neighbors, then it quickly ...

Why is every single fantasy short end up as a hack 'n slash?

I can't read this. It needs some editing. Here is an edited version. Chapter One My name is Victoria Hendrix and I'm 18. During my life I have seen more ...

During the Cold War, the forces of Communism and Capitalism collided, making the world a very dangerous place to be. The issue that was glossed over were the ideals that ...

Ohh... she got ghosted. Not a bad prologue, because it doesn't focus on the protagonist. It could be a little longer, or you should follow up with Chapter 1 soon ...

There isn't a formula per se. I just find that it works better for everyone when prologue start us up to the point where the character is.

I'd immediately find ways to exploit them. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator for 2 days?

bear

Relax, it takes years of practice to get really good. I've been writing for years and I still am not perfect. Now I will give a critique on how you ...

Put some pants on please. It is a new perspective on Sirens, but really is too short to qualify as a story.