Griffinkeeper

We're here to help. I'd only include the relevent dialogue. If there is something serious being discussed, but then the topic changes to something less serious for the rest of ...

No, more like a person describing the events leading up to his death, in the first person viewpoint. You could do it, but it would be very confusing. In fact, ...

Welcome! Make sure to check out the rules, FAQ's, and stickies before you do much more. This will keep you out of trouble. If you have any questions or you ...

The dialogue is poor, simply because the relationship between Lord Garanhe and Garam is so poorly defined. See the previous chapter for my commentary on this. Then rewrite this to ...

Sloooooow down there a minute. Things are happening way too quickly! I'd take the entire chapter and devote it to establishing the character of Lord Garanhe. Certain things could be ...

Stag- -20 for posting a poem in the wrong forum. -40 for posting it in an existing thread. -100 for being completely ignorant of the rules. Surreal, Doe, thanks for ...

Instead of some comment about how bad you are in the thread title, you should actually put down the name of the poem. Also, I hate it when people put ...

Dusky- I don't think it is technically wrong, since I never change the person being described. I can see how it can get repetitive though. I'll edit it so that ...

Grif sat quietly in his room. His room was large: it held several book cases, a dresser, his desk, and his bed with enough room to do any number of ...

As many of you know, YWS isn't free. Nate pays for the server every month, out of pocket. Things aren't always easy for Nate though. There is a way for ...

Oh my god! It's Nate when he's mad! *Dives for cover*

Could you change your purpose? It would be easier if your character had some boring duty he was trying to escape from. Also, what are the runes and where are ...

I could probably do the same for other topics, but it wouldn't be half as satisfying. Although it would be funny to listen to a boy band sing it.

There are times when I'm low and I've nowhere left to go, except to the lonely hole inside my room. In there I will dwell, pondering of the hell that ...

Not really modern is it? I think the Milgram experiment is rather revealing about how easily conform to authority figures. So, let's rebel against the rebels so we don't conform ...