Gee

Ok, a few nitpicks why have u set out your work like this? Its harder to read than if you hadn't written in very long lines! also, there isn't very ...

I was in two minds about this. It was interesting, and could make a good story. But its all a bit confusing. What happened to her parents? Why did her ...

Ok this wasn't one of the better stories I've read (sorry) because it just all seems a bt rushed and quick, and there are quite a few spelling mistakes as ...

I think that this story could turn into something good if you improved on it- you end a sentance and then start again without capital letters quite a lot! This ...

Generally, i liked this. It displayed all the confusion and upset of a sistuation like this Now, just a few pointers- “Where are you anymore, Kelly? Where are you anymore?” ...

This was quite good. I liked the twist at the end about Edward being a vampire! One thing I couldn't figure out was who Charlie is. I think this could ...

I don't agreee with Arekkusu the way you've phrased your sentances, such as 'her burnt hand thrice a day' or ' a cold woman, she was' sounds more dramatic that ...

Hi This has potential to turn into a really great story, but i do think that you might need to break your paragraphs down a little bit more, and in ...

Hi I really liked this It was really interesting and exciting! The only part i got a bit confused at was the part where 'The assassin kicked upwards and the ...