Fye

5/10 Didn't really like the quality of the image and the cropping. =( She rather scares, me though, Snow Queen[in the movie]. Ah, well, I like her character anyways. :D

My first time in a storybook, so just point out if there's anything wrong. Name: Fye Age: 11 Gender: Female Race: Angel History: Fye was in the Spirit Realm which ...

Rain poured down on that day Arm in arm, mother and son All the things she wanted to say To say that he was her one The lines here had ...

Happy, bright, ripe feeling. Fruit. This cinquain is rather cute. ;) The last two lines there are the ones that sound off. Particularly "ripe feeling". It just doesn't blend. Fruit ...

Hey, welcome to YWS! Just a note: Make at least two reviews before you post your stories; keeping the ratio of your reviews to your work 2:1. Also, always check ...

Hey, Tess! Welcome to YWS! Just a note: it's very much advisable that you make at least 2 reviews before posting any poem/story/writing and continue on, keeping your reviews to ...

Cinquain! Interesting. I've learnt something new in poetry today. Runny noses, Runny, etc. "Runny" doesn't seem nice as a repetition here. If you want to make an anaphora here you ...

Oh, I thought this part 2 meant chapter 2. But oh well, thanks for the PM! ...her shoulders moving as she breathed heavily. Oh dearie, I dislike "moving" replacing "heaving". ...

Waaaah... many many changes. *Activates critiquing mode* That means I might be too detailed at times but... ah, well. ;) The school year hadn’t officially started, so seeing a new ...

I think you probably got mixed up with what Esme is saying about the periods and comas for dialogues. In dialogues, you put comas when your sentence is not finished. ...

Finally I managed to [s]managed to [/s]catch up with her and grabbed her before she could go any further. Elayna carried on struggling nonetheless and tried to prise my hands ...

“Wake up! Wake up!” The harsh whisper resonated in Markali’s ear. Her warm breath left a tingling sensation over the tip of his ear. Hmm.. "ear" as the last word ...

He was half Malay (from a tribal part of it somewhere) and half Canadian. :smt016 Haha you got it quite right this time. I think you can just say "half ...

Hmm.. I PM-ed canis but she still hasn't replied. Anyways, thanks everyone for the comments! But I'm still not clear what to improve for this story(as you can see, I ...

Haha not bad not bad. It was kinda funny considering that you wrote it in 5th grade. My favourite part was "... Muffy!!" That forced a laugh out of me! ...