FadingBrighter

" he pleaded in desperation, a hopeless plea useless to the merciless ones as they snatched a squirmy child from his arms." -Do not, under any circumstances use the same ...

it was an interesting story, but there is such a thing as being too playful. When writing a novel with a joking air you are balancing on a knifes edge, ...

Your story sounds very interesting, i love the whole warrior thing and the fact that it's from the point of view of a boy. Here are some things I had ...

I love your plot. It's not often you get a story that isn't dripping with the supernatural. Though I notice that you have a problem with commas, yes, commas. Do ...

Truthfully, I didn't feel an emotion in these piece. I knew you were trying, But i just didn't feel any emotion towards either of the characters. Wether this is because ...

Your story is very short and sweet, but you kind of flash through it, without giving the reader a chance tho really settle in and get absorbed. When Maria was ...

I like the concept of your story. I especially like your main charecter who reminds me so much of the main charecter in Undrworld (as well as the begining scene). ...

your plot is a good one, it sounds very interesting, but you do have a few problems. 1. Your story is very historically inacurat. I don't think you reall understand ...

Interesting story, i wish you hadn't stopped it where you did=)but I do have some tips that i hope will help First and for most: 'I got out an apple. ...

Great plot, very intresting, though i do have a little advice. Go back through your story and read every line. your largest problem was flow. Your writing seemed a little ...

Very well written story. it pulled me in from the first sentence. Also, it flowed very well, with very few grammatical errors. I only have a few tips. 1."The weapon ...

Your word choice in the beginning is fantastic. But after that your writing kind of falls apart structure wise. Your story was choppy, you had to many simple sentence without ...

Very interesting plot, it sounded very cool. i only had a few issues: 1. When the old man is using 'thou' to address the girl. i know you wanted him ...

I'm a history buff, so let me just give you some historical info. to help make your story more accurate. 1.Pirate captains are usually voted into power by the entire ...

Your Characters are wonderful, very well written. they almost seem to leap off the page. but Chrissy seems very young. Her thoughts are short and simple,with no real depth. Also, ...