Esmé

Hello! Die, prologue (blurb?). Seriously. Fantastic plot – if I read it on the back of a book, I'd pick it up most definitely – but as a reader, I'd ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS, a superb writing site :) Hmm. All I'm seeing here is backstory – some awesome, fantastic, thought-through backstory, but backstory nevertheless. It's not action happening here

Hey! I liked tag turning into hide-and-seek – very nice illustration of what was happening. But at some point, Lissa is afraid to touch the bird (diseases). In the beginning ...

Hello! One thing that I notice – a lot of sentences start out with a pronoun, „she”. This makes the most interesting and colorful baloon deflate, because writing becomes repeatable. ...

Welcome to YWS, it's a superb writing site. If I were asked to take a big red marker and divide this chapter into parts, I'd know exactly where to put ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS, a very terrific place indeed :) OK, so description is the central part of this story, since nothing is spoken (and so no dialogue) and nothing ...

Hello, We have the MC in a Situation. The character then quite properly Mulls It Over and reaches a certain Conclusion – because honsetly, how long would anyoen put up ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS, hope you'll love it here. OK, so you've got a novel idea as to how to show a story. The spacing and lettering out and the ...

Hello! Haven't read part one, so I'll just crit this without having anything to fall back on – it has less reviews then the other one. quote: Dracven had seen ...

Hello! I don't understand the italics part and that's bothering me. Scrolled down, skimmed, saw sthing in (maybe) Latin, went "oooh", but there's not aserisk or whatnot and translation. I ...

Hello, Welcome to YWS, hope you'll love it here and will have a splending time! Remember to review others' works, too :) Haha I seriously had the title assosiated with ...

Hello, I'm back :) _ quote: Amber walked along at a casual, relaxed pace, although she wanted to run. Comma although she wanted to run - doesn't work at all. ...

Hello, Welcome to YWS, know you'll love it here if you love writing :) But do you know you'd prolly get more reviews if you reviewed others' works? Hey. I'd ...

Hello! Argh dialogue punctuation. Maybe Demter's terrific post will help? Here's the link: That's especially important since the whole piece is almost solely made up of dialogue. Now, about that. ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS, a very superb writing site :) First thing first, dialogue punctuation. In this piece it's wrong, but don't worry, quite easy to learn if you just ...