Esmé

It does show, doesn't it? Eek. But thanks for taking the time to read this :)

Hello! First paragraph structure: weather descr; people (unimportant to plot, so - filler.) descr; enter the MC. Now, sentence one and two connect, click, whatever, while that third proper intro ...

Hi, Ivy as in ivy or person? If person - capitalize. A little thing to fix (like not having quotes when a character speaks) before posting that a writer could ...

Hey, My main problem is that I'm attacked by Ray from all sides. Ray's a force of nature, Ray's everywhere. He's in the prologue, he appears just at the start ...

Hi! Welcome to YWS :) Alright, a lot of this is made up of dialogue. That means (and even if there were less, too!) proper dialogue punctuation is a must. ...

Yep. NBP (the bank) decides on a lot of monetary matters - person controlling it has a lot of power. Well, mostly we can move on since it's not a ...

#1 - Russia #2 - Enormous #3 - Bus Tour #4 - Fruit and nut #5 - Money #6 - Lay-in #7 - bath #8 - lightning should strike BBC. ...

:thud: *courtsies. Thanks :)

Hello, Welcome to YWS, capitalize your "i"s. Like, seriously. Dialogue punctuation can be studied here: If you want a proper reviewm, you really have to write more than one paragraph ...

Hey! First sentence - so many commas. Now, a comma is your friend - a very dear friend, as it were. But put too many and the reader might just ...

Hey, Is this book1? If no, ignore. If yes - I don't particularly like the chapter/book-in-general starting off with two deaths of people clearly clsoe to the protagonist's heart, but ...

Polish President Lech Kaczynski and scores of others have been killed in a plane crash in Russia. Polish and Russian officials said no-one had survived after the plane apparently hit ...

Hello! As others before me mentioned, this is one chunky block of a paragraph. The general rule is to start a new line when a new characters begins speaking. Splits ...

Hello! Article on dialogue punctuation by Demeter can be found here: Since you have so much dialogue, you absolutely have to get it right!! This dialogue, somebody above said it's ...

Hello! If Rowling had only started and not finished off - we'd all be terribly unhappy, wouldn't we? Writing for fun and practise and whatever else without finishing is fine, ...