Esmé

Oh, I'm totally in love with Eric! The TV series is better then the books, I think :wink: That said, welcome to YWS! Oh. And I agree so much with ...

Hey, Just skimming down at first – you change tenses: “As he walks, he takes a quick break to look around. Reaching in his pocket, he pulled”. Watch out for ...

Hey, This first scene, I’m not sure I entirely like it. “the only newborn baby” – that threw me off, confused me, made me shrug my shoulders and move on. ...

Hello! Odd title. Odd, but certainly eye-catching (it's what brought me here originally). Oh, flash fiction is so horribly hard. Fitting everything into a minimal amount of words – I ...

Hello! OK, so I have mixed feeling about the beginning. I mean, I like the first sentence because it’s a mirror to a question, which begs to be answered and ...

Hello! Goodness, the synopsis is longer almost than the chapter itself, hah. But I suppose it does clear out some things (maybe in that ‘novel section’). Right, but these are ...

Hello! Haven’t read part one, but first four lines and I already adore Rapunzel. Adore her. Drama queen with a flair for the dramatic (the shriek, the gasp, the wringing ...

Sure it is. To insult a guy who, say, drinks from the milk carton directly or cheats on his girlfriend, one commonly insults the lady who gave birth to him. ...

Hello, The idea's pretty much amazing, one of the ones which just makes the writerly-inclined reader think, "Why didn't I think of that?!" So it's in morose spirits that I'm ...

Heyyy. Most of those in the room looked taken aback as they recognized Sandar. - this is an old grieviance, right? =) The void...what a bleak term for a concept ...

Hello, hello, Just noticed the continuations are already posted! Ah well, here I am. _ For a good afternoon I get The Device mentioned; fine, fine. Let it exist then, ...

Hey, So the beginning drew me right in. I don't care what the others say, I liked that beginning paragraph. To further muddle you up, I do advise you to ...

Hey! OK, one thing that I noticed and which absolutely has nothing to do with the story side of the story (yeah... / to which I promise I'll get to, ...

Hello! Many and many points for an interesting and drawing in text – as a standalone, it was fine. A clear narrator who stands out and speaks in a way ...

Hey! I'm not too fond of that first sentence. He did this and did that, and did so many things (quantity is mostly what got me here...). I definitely liked ...