Emma

It's alright, but there are some problems with it. For instance, you don't use a comma! The sentences drag on; which makes it boring for the reader. Your story is ...

That is pretty good. I really can't say much because I don't really do fighting stories. (Normally because they're not done in a way I like it done). This is ...

It was very good. I really did enjoy the whole thing. There was some few mistakes. One main one I had reread the line and I still didn't understand it. ...

So far it is pretty good. I can tell there is a lot to this story. I enjoyed it so far. There's just some grammatical errors in this piece, but ...

...You're 14? No way. It's very good, and I would love to read what happened next, and before that. I was very fascinated. This Jon man scares me slightly. It ...

It is good, I don't find the first bit confusing... I find the ending bit much more confusing. I like how you build it up, making our minds wonder, who ...

It is quite plain, but still pretty good. I didn't really feel involved in the story. You should go more into the man's feelings, make us feel like we feel ...

It is as good as the last one, though I feel the sentances drag on a little in this. Like I said before, I think you should break it up ...

It's good! There are some grammar areas where you need to improve on, but it is good! Also, try breaking it up a bit so it is easier for us ...

This is really good. Yeah, like Shriek said; there is a few typos. You should reread your work before posting it. Apart from that, just wow. I really felt involved ...

This is pretty good! It's quite funny at the end. Just some few pointers. Why do you go; "g.irl" or "m.elting" and stuff like that? Just wondering because you don't ...

I was confused... what is this about? Is it about a normal boy who is wrong in the head and thinks he is a prince? It was nice anyway, one ...

Its very good, quite moving. There are a few points that I would like to mention, for instance. Never use numbers E.g. '1, 2.' Always write it out as 'one, ...

Please can you break it up? I know thats not how you are meant to set out paragraphs but it just helps readers to read it, as it is on ...

This is pretty funny, I love the end bit about the icecream man. There are a couple mistakes, for instanse; I was walking along Granson Street to where the gates ...