Emerson

Your tenses are kind of screwed up here and there. You start out in present, then (in the second paragraph) try to be in past, but still have a hint ...

Thats pretty cool for a quick work :-) looks very ocean like. Beautiful. C'est Bon :-D Do you have any others?

I find it hard to believe that there are less people using drugs simply because its illegal. If you REALLY want to use drugs, you must not care how they ...

Write Me, I agree yet disagree. If smoking should be outlawed we'll have the same problem that we do with drugs being outlawed. Our prisons get filled with people who ...

I liked it but then again, I didn't like it. I liked how you led us through the scientific what-ever-that-is and it had narration to it. I didn't like the ...

The religious pendant around his neck grew heavy with exhaustion. this sentence makes me think that the pendant was exhausted, not him. (And I assume he's the exhausted one..right?) But, ...

Alright, well. First off, you have to look at poetry as actual sentences and structure. USE PUNCTUATION, PLEASE! Commas, and periods, and semicolons! You NEED those! Without them, how should ...

Her past relationships - a short daisy chain of affairs, strung around her neck like a criminal in a mug shot. this sentence seems really lost, like its going some ...

It was good, well written. My only complaint is it felt like it got a little too preachy.

Granted. But your DVD player and/or VCR and/or other movie watching devices blew up in a act of revolt. g'day. I wish I didn't have to clean the house.

I've noticed something with a lot of what you write. It's very vague, and has no concrete form. This is about the sun rising, thats the concrete thing in the ...

woah, woah, arguing, halt! It wasn't vague, but it wasn't concrete either. I agree with phorcys, people start out vague, because it sounds pretty, but as you get farther in ...

the only part that made sense was the first stanza. You think what you see, doesn't make sense. And I see what I feel? No, not that either. Though I ...

And never did look back. this line feels weird. Maybe its the use of 'back' again. I think it would do better with a rhythm, I liked it all except ...

Take use of capitalization. If not at the beginning of each line, at least capitalize 'I'. I think you should give more action with the description. I see action, but ...