Emerson

Agreed with phorcys. The rhyme killed it. But to the technical stuff, Capitalize the first letter of each line, and read over your work a few times for typos/errors before ...

granted, but the cookie has fecal matter in it *ew* I wish she would call me

I edited all three chapters for various things. Did a lot of dialog changing to hopefully give Fleur more character. New comments would be appreciated :-D

Sitting in bed with a glass of wine, ignoring all the problems of the day, and waiting for Ma Cherie to come and lie next to me. - Lev Laying ...

I've always been writing in past tense; I'm not sure why. But it is what I'm best at. Present tense annoys me, to write in. In fact I don't think ...

Self sacrifice for love - Lev Admit my darker secrets. - Felicion Do you have a secret?

I liked it, the last two lines the most. I think I would have liked it more, though, if there had been a rhythm pattern to it. But I'm big ...

Sounds boring. Because doesn't all wind blow? I've never heard of any kind of wind that doesn't blow. And it also has not the slightest reference to what the story ...

Run!.. I'm not sure that is a question, what should I do with it? - Lev Which way? - Fleur No. I would never run. - Felicion Have you ever ...

"There was once..." Says my google translator. The fact that the title wasn't in English, I'd certainly take a look at it. It makes me think of a romance, or ...

"Go away, come back when I'm not busy living!" What would you say if I told you I was a figment of your imagination?

Sounds like a silly kids book. Or a some for of pop fiction. I probably wouldn't read it. When Nothing Ends

"holy *omit word*. Want to help me develop your character?" What would you say if you were being attacked by an angry mob of dust particles.

I do not see into my future. I would much rather like to leave it open to anything—have it be a surprise, you know? - Lev I see, or I ...

I liked it 'Manda :-D It didn't always read nicely, but the poem its self was good. I don't really have much to say. I'm not in a very good ...