DarthAJ

I enjoyed reading it, it's definitely on the short side though. What was done well: I loved the, "The eyes that could make her do everything" . Very nice, it ...

Hey, This was a nice attempt. I did get what the stories general theme was but as others have mentioned you must have quotations or things become very confusing indeed. ...

Amazing story in my opinion. It certainly kept my heart racing in the last few minutes. The whole "film direction" paragraph was very nice as the personality of the character ...

This was a very interesting prologue. MidnightWriter did a great job at finding those errors. What I liked: - The general theme of the hidden flame and the whole lore ...

I have a suggestion regarding this part: Abalon was once among one of the major capitals of the skyworld, in its heyday it was a bustling, colourful city filled with ...

This was simply brilliant. At first I thought it was a timeline of the events happening along with the action a character takes place at those times. That's until I ...

Right I'll be completely honest, this was pretty confusing. Number32 has done a great job at finding grammar errors and so on but there's just one line that I think ...

This was a very interesting indeed. I love your writing style, its very "today" and your dialogue is really well done. I can actually see people saying this in real ...

Firearris has done a great job at pointing out the grammatical errors. I really liked how your dialogue told the story but I felt so out of contact with your ...