Collision

Wow. That's all I have to say. I loved the feeling of the words on my mouth and the sounds mixing together, and I loed the poem as a whole. ...

Work on your tenses first. You switch back and forth between present tense and past tense dozens of times in the story and it makes it really difficult to connect. ...

I think you're capable of a much better beginning than this, to be honest. I wasn't expecting much from this story when I read the beginning but when I continued ...

Truly, truly loved this. Thankyou for writing it.

For all her life Asmara did not read books to learn but to clarify the truth of her knowledge. The truth was simple and buried deeply in time like a ...

I like how connected you are to this piece. I can feel your resentment in every word in the poem. The short structure actually works very well for me, it's ...

Thanks for your ideas, I'll definitely try and make it clearer. It's not supposed to be about the tree; really it's more about the little girl, but I guess it ...

Hi :) I really like your beginning sentence, and I think if you carried this emotion throughout your writing it would be more interesting. The rest of it sounds more ...

Just some corrections: Dark oblivion stares cruelly back at me. ... the reality in ... I wrap the blanket ... to escape the circle It's a good poem, and I ...

Hi:) I actually really liked this. The emotion is so real interesting without being cliche, and I feel like I don't really understand what the narrator is going through, which ...

Hi :) I think you have really good metaphors in this poem, and it might actually work better without the rhyme scheme, since some of the rhymes sound a little ...

You did a fantastic job of showing real emotions, and I think a lot of people will identify with this poem. The tense feels a little awkward though. If only ...

I look straight through my window, and find to my surprise That the tree of past adventures has sprouted several eyes. He’s really quite the poet, and I listen to ...

With the exception of the first comma, all the commas seem to be unnecessary and make the poem kind of choppy. Just thought I'd note that Alot is not a ...

Wow, I loved that. The language was so interesting without being excessive, and I had to read it twice before I felt like I really could appreciate the way you ...