Chosenofair

Okay, I got a few complaints (for lack of a better word) about the length of this post. So, I'm shortening it. There will now be about three parts of ...

All too well. My short story, Nightwalker (it's posted here somewhere...), is something I wrote between midnight and three o clock in the morning. I was practically dead the next ...

This is pretty good, for a short little thing. Your characters immediately speak and you can see their personality. However, I think you need a touch more elaboration on their ...

See, the thing about this is that it's a prologue. It is the beginning to another story. This just sets a sort of tone for it, and provides a bit ...

Prologue Italy, 1006: A majestic griffin sat atop the greatest of churches in Vatican City, surveying the dark streets for any sign of trouble. Yet there was none. It was ...

My complaint is that there's no buildup. They tell nothing of what's been happening to the kingdom or why they need to find the Book of the Dead, and I ...

Is this about the Crusades? If it is, you do an interesting job of describing what the battles were like. I like how you don't necessarily describe the intensity of ...

Starting with the first one: The grainy-ness of the picture detracts from the overall effect. You can tell your friend is really enjoying herself, but the blurriness of the picture ...

It kind of looks like a fire is erupting behind the trees, you know? I agree that the angle and strange silhouettes detract from the overall beauty of the picture. ...

Ok, it was very large. But, it was also a lot better than what I can do. The placement of the leaf symbol was... creative. I have to say that. ...

Your haikus remind me a bit of T. A. Barron. In his Great Tree of avalon series, he has a morning prayer that says something about breaking dawn finding you(I ...

please keep in mind that i was writing for a school assginment and whipped it off in five mintues right before we had to turn it in.

oh, it's not a band story. he's just in a band. and no, i didn't have anything in the background when i wrote it.

Trapped Can't get out Must escape Where am I? I can't tell I am lost Among the blind Where are you? I can't see you Anymore The light is gone ...

Ok, I know it's supposed to be silly, but adding the "whoa" made it seem just a touch too silly. I''m sorry to say it, but it reeks a touch ...