Chosenofair

You're missing out on a lot of details, it seems. For instance, the narrator: boy or girl? Young or old? Which of the two must live? The writing style was ...

To all interested parties: I am now writing a continuation of this as a novel. It takes place five years later, and has Kelcien and Theman, plus a few other ...

I didn't really like it. It was good, and has some nice grammar detailing, but I didn't get any connections out of it. Yes, your narrator had a "voice", but ...

I didn't really like it. It was good, and has some nice grammar detailing, but I didn't get any connections out of it. Yes, your narrator had a "voice", but ...

Whoa, what happened? She walks through the gate and just... disappears? What's behind the gate? Who is "he"? I wanna know!! See? This is the problem when I see something ...

One hour, and several jokes (mostly at Kenji’s expense) later, they arrived at a very large wall that stretched along the edge of a protruding piece of land. The sun ...

I love your writing style! It reminds me of the beginning of the book The Eyes of the King by Catherine Banner. It's very sophisticated and it draws the reader ...

“Oh, no, no, no, no!” He heard Takiko moan again. He opened his eyes, expecting to see the New York skyline silhouetted against a night sky, but instead was blinded ...

Okay, thanks for the suggestion.

Ummm... wow. I honestly don't know what to say to this. It is so... cliched. So strange. It's like someone took a Disney movie and put the happy-happy charms on ...

I really like this. Your character has a very distinct personality that is quite honestly extrememly different from any character I have read about before. She's an outcast, yes, but ...

It might be long, but if I broke it apart, it would completely ruin the continuity of the piece. Sorry!! I didn't know any place I could break it off ...

I like the use of description here. You have a lot of potential in this field. Just a little refinement is neede, and this could turn into a very well-crafted ...

Ah. That clears up a lot. Thank you. And to Griffinkeeper, I think that the use of dialogue is quite tasteful in advancing the story. There is just the right ...

Are you describing a dream? It's amazingly detailed, and wonderfully crafted. I could see a story forming from this. Actually, I'm thinking of a story that could be formed from ...