Cade

First of all, nix the asterisks between the stanzas. We know there's a break. You don't need to reinforce it. This is a pleasant, simple poem...you do need to work ...

Suzie is right. Using incorrect English in a poem suggests immature control of writing. For all our sakes, get your head in the dictionary and out of your chat window. ...

Yeah, having kids clap the syllables usually does it...I think I was in second grade or so when I learned about syllables. A haiku doesn't always have to be 5-7-5...I've ...

I see you're a new member who missed the rules, so I'll catch you up real quick. Please don't post more than one piece a day...this usually scares people away ...

Suzie, this is a totally worthless piece of crap. Have you ever even heard of good poetry? I can't believe you would post something as horrid as this, even as ...

*squirms* Aww, Suzie gave you a link to something of mine...*giggles* She does have a point--free form poetry doesn't mean "list random words with no sentence structure." It just doesn't ...

Wow, third time today that I've commented right after Suzanne. And for the third time, I totally agree with her. This poem falls flat on its face because it revolves ...

I agree with Suzie. I think your main problem is being too broad and abstract. Taking on a huge subject like the sun make you try to tackle too much ...

I agree with Suzanne--while the loose structure of the poem helps convey the rushed, "insane" feeling of the city, it is difficult to read. At least include enough punctuation to ...

For those not in the room at the time, this is a response piece to a poem by Stephen Mueske (not a terribly well-known poet, mind) entitled, "Lights." Hence "Lights" ...

If you have short stories or poems, you might first try sending them to magazines or contests, you know, get an idea of how your stuff will be received, get ...

This looks like a poorly punctuated ramble with line breaks to me. You can do better. Try this: 1. Read some good poetry. Go to the library, sit down, and ...

I'm actually quite disappointed--you've done better, a lot better. I agree with Suzie/others in that it's disjointed. My main problem is that I can't get a good grip on it. ...

Yeah, nobody cares how old you are, we just want to [s]cruelly rip apart[/s] critique your writing! And if you make tasty cookies, you could be ninety-eight for all we ...

I would wish you goodbye, but I'm crushed by the weight of your enormous ego. I'm sorry you didn't find YWS helpful. Good luck in your future endeavors. -Colleen