Cade

*wide-eyed stare at Suzanne's ridiculously long comment* Anyway. Don't get discouraged just because people on YWS are tough on your piece. It'll only make you better, trust me. If you ...

Dude, if I turned blue I'd totally play pranks on people. Pretend to crash my spaceship into cornfields and come wandering out covered in aluminum foil.

This seems like a clip, a short piece of a story. And post-climax at that. Well, we don't want an excerpt with no context, we want the story. Why so ...

Sooperdooper!

What a strange phrase it is: As if in the middle of the night, the steps stir, shaking off the feeling of being walked up, walked down all day. They ...

I second everything bubbles said, pretty much. This piece doesn't stand out as poetry because I could probably construct it from the lines of other uninteresting poems and pop songs. ...

I do like this--especially the end. The abrupt ending is poignant, I think, ends on a delightfully off-balance note. I think you might have taken the descriptions of the men ...

As Matt said, gorgeous. Your poem is like a lullaby...it's lovely, nearly flawless in terms of sound and rhythm. I think the transition from the first half of the poem ...

I certainly agree with Camille and Suzie. As an experiment, try eliminating all the emotion-words from this poem: Sitting in my bed carrying [s]sorrows[/s], [s]sadness[/s], [s]depression[/s], and [s]l

*creeps out of the depths of the poetry forums* Love the surprise ending, I must say. I love stories where women kill men. I think you run into some problems ...

Imagery. See, cakes are very good. Delicious, in fact. But if you put too much frosting on a cake, it becomes bad very quickly. It might look good on the ...

The...ellipses...are...killing...my...soul.... No, really, get rid of them. They only hurt your poem, as Suz and Phoebe have already pointed out. The poem is simple. It works as a child's verse ...

They said that Maria Dee was one of those teachers who could walk into the room as if she'd been there all her life They say that she hand-picked her ...

Suzie, I think they are separate poems, not numbered stanzas. Am I right, kwestion? You might have been better off posting these separately to allow your readers to really digest ...

Bella Kaye is even more gorgeous than Bella!