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Re: Play. Pause. Rewind.
A great piece.. there were some parts that could be fixed up, I think. Some small grammar and spelling errors/typos.. Otherwise, nice piece. I think that perhaps you could go ...
Aug 2, 2010 -
Re: The Car in the House
This is just a little snippet of.. something. I'm not quite sure what. I doubt I'll add on to it, make it a longer piece. Just a stand alone scene. ...
Aug 2, 2010 -
Re: Jealousy
I really like the imagery, the new color label for jealousy.. interesting piece. I think that perhaps you could go a bit further into it, using the colors as a ...
Aug 2, 2010 -
Re: No Obligations
I would keep the capitalization, and I didn't notice the huge repetition of "wicked", so I would keep both of those. However, the punctuation felt a bit excessive to me, ...
Jul 30, 2010 -
Re: Anguish
That moment In which you can't move Can't think Can't speak Can't even cry Can only stand there, Swallowing down sounds and thoughts And screams Such violent screams You try ...
Jul 30, 2010 -
Re: haiku for the shipwrecked
Concise, simple, with great humor in it. I absolutely loved it. c:
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: Fade
This piece was good- but I think it could be improved. There is obviously a lot of description, and good description: however, I think that it kind of draws away ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: The Beggar
This was a beautiful piece, and was interestingly worded. However, I have a word of advice for you: Shy away from cliche phrases. By this, I mean "concrete jungle", etc. ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: Empty Music
Honestly, I really don't agree with the first review... the spit was not disgusting. That's ridiculous. I will say, however, that the part about the "best friend" was somewhat random, ...
Jul 29, 2010 -
Re: My Eyes See You.
Interesting poetic prose... I would consider capitalizing "I" throughout the poem.. the difference was somewhat distracting for me, despite it's being such a minor detail. I also think that you ...
Jul 28, 2010 -
Re: Daisies are my Favorite
Definitely a new type of poem for me. :) And I'm trying to use more punctuation. Did I overdo it? Daisies: The musical flowers Have always been my favorite, Because ...
Jul 28, 2010 -
Re: Have You Ever?
Have you ever Bedded with the sun, As it sets across the hills? Looked upon its last rays as your eyes close And dreamt as it sailed the skies? Have ...
Jul 28, 2010 -
Re: Untitled Poem
I too would suggest that you consider omitting the rhyme scheme. I think that it would improve the piece altogether.. However, if you feel that it is necessary, I would ...
Jul 23, 2010 -
Re: A Walk to Remember
Very good piece, especially for your first short at a short story. I would consider adding in a bit more description, some more thoughts and reactions like you had at ...
Jul 20, 2010 -
Re: Goldfish(The Summary of Man Kind)
Incredibly interesting metaphors and imagery. I thought this was a great piece.. awesome word choice, fascinating thought process, nice rhythm and flow, smooth and fitting for the topic. Overall, wond
Jul 20, 2010
