Boni_Bee

it's cool! It does need a bit more description, but other than that it's great! :)

(Ok, part II) “Is she gone?” whispered my friend, peering around the pillar, his eyes shinning slightly in the dark. “I think so...come on, let’s go” I reply, tugging on ...

very interesting! Not my fave poem, but I think it's a pretty good effort, although the rhyming after the second verse was a bit forced, as a lot of the ...

I think it is better, although the beginning is still a bit too flowery. It's a bit confusing because it's not until the end that you kind of get the ...

saddle

Yeah, I think it was just the right length, any longer and....:roll: I think it was very nice, and the ryming wasn't forced. Great job :)

most of the books in the bible are written by different people. The New Testament, is written by the diciples, and so on....

what do you think?

Ok, I changed it :)

(Ok, this is slightly weird, but it was inspired by a dream I had...I hope its in the right topic :?) Swish....swish.... my sandals are the only sound that breaks ...

gee, you sure write a lot!!! thanks for the comments, and I'll fix it up as soon as I can. where it just has 'o' it was the name of ...

Ok, heres the second chapter! :) ************************************ Chapter 2 The herd has now been travelling for two days. They are going slowly because of May and her new foal. They ...

thanks for the critique. I realise what you are saying, and some of it doesn't make sense now :oops: the computer took out a couple of words, that's why it ...

I think it was very good, although I easily anticipated what was going to happen before I read to the end. But overall, it was great! :)

Thanks so much for the critiques! I understand what you are getting at. I think I prefer past tense, but I'll fix that up and the 'ly' it was part ...